Stag, Hen or Jack and Jill – which will you do?

Congratulations, you have got engaged and have been planning your big day for months, maybe even years. Whilst you are looking forward to tying the knot and spending your honeymoon celebrating with your husband it is important to remember the parties that brides and grooms hold before their big day.

Traditionally bridal showers (Hen nights) are an all-female event and don't give you the freedom to include your groom or the other important men in your life. This is a time when the bride gets to enjoy the company of her friends and family and can be as simple as drinks and a meal or more outrageous with silly games, clothes and even a stripagram. It is entirely up to whoever is planning it as to what they organise so it is important that you are comfortable with whatever they are organising so always wise to make sure people know the expectations of you and your partner.

The same applies to Stag nights where only male acquaintances are invited, as these events can become a bit rowdy and risqué. Stag nights can be a night event or can even become short breaks away with a group of friends. During this time the groom is subjected to a plethora of different experiences - drinking, tattoos, high jinx, stripagram and lap dancing are all things which may play a part. Again it is important that both you and your partner are happy with the planned events as this can cause rifts in the relationship through now fault of the couple.

There is however another option which is becoming more popular in modern times. It is estimated that up to 1/3 of all pre-wedding parties are now run as a ‘Jack and Jill’ party. The Jack and Jill party is the perfect opportunity to include your fiancé and male relatives in your pre-wedding celebrations and celebrate the upcoming wedding with a more relaxed gathering.

If you haven't heard of it before, don’t worry, Jack and Jill parties are a relatively new concept. The event can last for as long as you like – from a day, right through to a weekend at your chosen location and would see guests paying their share of the cost. In addition to the food, games and gifts, some of these parties may also include pre-arranged activities such as a murder mystery, escape room, cocktail making, spa weekend, garden games or afternoon tea - the list is endless.

So who pays for these events? Well, you can sigh in relief because you're not responsible for throwing the party. You have enough on your plate and shouldn't have to worry about yet another task. This time is for you to relax and get pampered! It is however important that you let your bridal party know of your wishes to have a single Jack & Jill style pre-wedding party, as it may take more coordination between both sides to pull it off. Usually, family or a close friend would throw the party, just like a bridal shower or engagement party. The maid of honour or best man can take over the task. However, you are welcome to join in the planning if you have some ideas and suggestions for making it personal (like serving your favourite cocktail).

If you're throwing a more relaxed Jack and Jill party, limit the guest list. For the greatest enjoyment, make the party an intimate affair with your closest friends and family as you prepare for your big day. Be sure to also invite these guests to your wedding so everyone can celebrate every stage of the preparation and ceremony with you. Because it's a co-ed shower, you can invite friends from both sides of the family, both male and female. Just be sure to make the invitations clear that this is a co-ed event to avoid awkward surprises.

You can consider sharing your wedding gift list so guests can pick useful household items. You can also keep the tradition of raising funds but make it creative - you might have a honeymoon fund and ask for donations instead of gifts.

Most couples throw their party somewhere between one and three months before the wedding. The couple sets this time because it gives the bride and groom time before their first wedding day payments are due. However, the timing also spreads out the wedding festivities, so no one is overwhelmed with planning and parties but also allows guests to budget more for your event.

If you want to invite out-of-town guests who will also have to travel for the wedding, consider throwing the Jack and Jill party even earlier so the guests can spread out their travel times.

Whatever you do, provide ways your guests can stay active through activities and games. The Jack and Jill tradition hasn't been around long enough for there to be any formal structure or strict rules. Therefore, the sky's the limit on what you do at the party – so make it your own and enjoy every minute!